What's Poppin!? Hope you guys are having a FANTABLOUS day!!!
Thought I'd get in a quick post before my shift starts.
So on Wednesday I had a bit of a argument with my dad, I said Oh I can't do it, because I'm so stupid then Huh. He said that is right. and laughed.
Being in the world, with situations like this and being in the church. Is probably the biggest struggle of my life.
To be in a place that offers support, encouragement, love and care as best as humanly possible... then being in a world like this is confusing and troubling.
I mean, it's pretty hard to go from one to the other. where you're surrounded by the I love You's smiles and sometimes tight hugs or hand shakes then suddenly you're surrounded by "You're an idiot's" and slaps in the head...
Imagine what it's like for kids in the church!?
It's definitely a headache that's for sure!
What have your experiences been? I know for me it's a bit of a double edged sword :S
I've never known what it's like, for anyone to tell me that they love me and mean it... I've never known what it's like for someone to tell you their proud of you and mean it... I've never known what it's like to be supported in endeavors and have them truly mean it...
until the day I met the elders and joined the church... I'd never said the words I love you to anyone and meant it... apart from one person... maybe I felt it, but the words have never left my mouth... until the day I joined the church...
It was a strange and foreign concept for me the first time I heard the elders say "love you" I never said it back.. The members always giving me hugs... It's not what's done in my family nor what's said...
I'm not a very touchy person, infact I don't like being touched at all... If I could Avoid it, I would... and being dropped in the deep end of this world of huggers, supportive, kind, loving people... was defiantly a lot to process...
the two worlds seem like they're a million miles apart...
the world of the gospel is everything that has been missing from my life... but I'm not affectionate, maybe occasionally or when i'm in a relationship... so to be in a world that's the opposite of everything you know, is a whole lot of overwhelming things...
it all tares you in different directions, and of course as humans we aren't always in peak form...
Is it possible to live in both? how do people survive?
It's all still a mystery to me..
maybe i'll figure it out one day..
that's all for now.
Yours,
The reformed but forever weird and nerdy
Miss Hermit
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