Salutations, friends, family, and other lillimet enthusiasts (that's me in case you were wondering :P).... (even if you've randomly found yourself here.. welcome to the insanity that's my life!)
So LIFE UPDATE (I can only assume that's why you're here) this one's gonna be a serious one, so a little less Lilsass and more just Lilly...
So, recently I reconnected with an old flame, someone I don't think I've ever stopped loving... someone I've never been able to forget... someone I've compared all my last relationships to... until he came back and he wasn't him anymore He wasn't the man I had unknowingly waited so many years for... Yet when I see his face I still feel the same love I always have, and I let him treat me as less than I deserve... Purely because once I love someone there's no end to the love I have for them, It can change, it can grow maybe it can even diminish based on interactions... but it never ends. that memory of that person and the love I held is engraved on my history...
I know this is true for myself and many others, I find that I'm searching for something I have no idea about, I don't know what it looks like, smells like, sounds like... I know nothing about it yet I've searched for it all my life and I can't help but wonder about the life after this, does this feeling go away? We're supposed to create our own happiness but I'm honestly not even sure what my happiness will even look like...
I struggle every day with social interactions, my emotions and figuring out what my happiness is supposed to look like for me...
I know it sounds cliche, or dumb or whatever but I only ever really feel safe, secure and joyful when I can take care of, love and look after another person and give them all the love and attention that is possible to give to another person...
I tend to smother, annoy or upset people when I love them... I am more motivated in life when I'm doing something for someone else...
I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me... I'm only truly happy when it involves other people...and I can't seem to figure out why...
my head is throbbing with messy thoughts and unresolved feelings...
but writing has been an amazing release, To be Continued on another day in another post..
all my love and well wishes.
the forever weird and nerdy (and super emotional)
Miss Hermit
So LIFE UPDATE (I can only assume that's why you're here) this one's gonna be a serious one, so a little less Lilsass and more just Lilly...
So, recently I reconnected with an old flame, someone I don't think I've ever stopped loving... someone I've never been able to forget... someone I've compared all my last relationships to... until he came back and he wasn't him anymore He wasn't the man I had unknowingly waited so many years for... Yet when I see his face I still feel the same love I always have, and I let him treat me as less than I deserve... Purely because once I love someone there's no end to the love I have for them, It can change, it can grow maybe it can even diminish based on interactions... but it never ends. that memory of that person and the love I held is engraved on my history...
I know this is true for myself and many others, I find that I'm searching for something I have no idea about, I don't know what it looks like, smells like, sounds like... I know nothing about it yet I've searched for it all my life and I can't help but wonder about the life after this, does this feeling go away? We're supposed to create our own happiness but I'm honestly not even sure what my happiness will even look like...
I struggle every day with social interactions, my emotions and figuring out what my happiness is supposed to look like for me...
I know it sounds cliche, or dumb or whatever but I only ever really feel safe, secure and joyful when I can take care of, love and look after another person and give them all the love and attention that is possible to give to another person...
I tend to smother, annoy or upset people when I love them... I am more motivated in life when I'm doing something for someone else...
I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me... I'm only truly happy when it involves other people...and I can't seem to figure out why...
my head is throbbing with messy thoughts and unresolved feelings...
but writing has been an amazing release, To be Continued on another day in another post..
all my love and well wishes.
the forever weird and nerdy (and super emotional)
Miss Hermit
Comments
Post a Comment