I must have loved you

Hi all, here on an emotional release today, As I have found myself in heartbreak, distress/stress, and confusion...

I feel only my own feelings the other side has uttered no words prior... So I can't speak for the other party only ask questions and wonder...

I had to write in order not to break down completely at work today.here's the result

I Must Have Loved You

"I wake up thinking I’m in a nightmare because you’re not here beside me...

You had my heart from the moment I saw you smiling sweetly...

I can’t kiss you awake, only a dent where you used to lay...

A dent in my chest, when you walked away...

A thousand tears have fallen, aching head to toe

Morose, I just want to hear you say the words so I can let you go...

Yet here I am, a mess not wanting to miss you anymore, but I do...

How did we get here from where we were, was I only a joke to you??

You came in charging and knocked down my fortress walls and engraved yourself in my heart...

You called me by the name, that for everyone else was a forbidden part...

you used to light my heart on fire, but now you’ve left me with icicles instead...

the hole you left is ripping me apart, I just feel so drained and dead...

no words were uttered prior, you just up and disappeared

the very thing you knew was something that I deeply feared.

I feel so lost right now, without you by my side

there is sorrow where happiness did once reside...

How could you simply walk away? Did I mean nothing to you?

You mean everything to me... now what am I to do?

You’re not the be all end all, I don’t breathe for you, but I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt to the core of my soul...

Not having you with me I feel like I’ve lost my desire and passion in life... where you stood, is now a Grand Canyon of a hole...

I don’t need you to survive this life, I don’t need you to make my life happy...

But I want you to help me brave the storms, without you, I’ve never felt so crappy...

Wish you would’ve said something so that it could be possible to let go...

I wish I wasn’t blindsided, you know?

To the man, I love so dearly... I wish you nothing but happiness in your life endeavors

I wish you long-life good health and an infinite possibility of forevers." 

I can't begin to express how completely and utterly morose I feel at this point in time... not knowing what will come... not knowing fully what has happened. I could be a typical woman and am just overreacting. But I have found it useful and progressive to document everything for my future self. 

This is me, in the state of unknown territory. the terror I feel at this point in excruciating.

The unknown is a place I don't enjoy finding myself in regards to other people. funny how that is. 

I best get back to work before Boss man gets angry. 

Much love, the forever weird and nerdy (and super emotional)

Miss Hermit